Down on the Farm

My group of friends, the Rah-Rah's, plan regular visits about once every other year to one our homes for a short visit to relax, have fun, make stuff, shop and eat. Next year, we are thinking about visiting Jean at her Chicken Farm in Mississippi. We've never been there as she and her family just moved down there from the Baltimore area a few years ago. We were all shocked when she told us Dean had decided they was moving to become Chicken Farmers. You have to know Jean to understand. (and you have to know that coincidentally Dean only visits and has remained in the metropolitan area, while Jean and her oldest son and his family HAVE moved to the middle of nowhere and figured it all out!) But we did know that she could handle it. And she has. Anyway, we do have a lot of laughs making fun of what it must be like to be in the business of chicken farming. And we also have a lot of sarcastic laughter about why Dean has never really made the move.

We had a lot of fun passing notes trying to arrange this visit. Here's a summary of all our responses trying to figure out when:

Hi, more thoughts.....wondering if you all would fly or drive to
MS? Was thinking if you drove, I would have Larry drop me in MD & I
would drive down with you all. We could split the cost of gas. Plus
thinking that would give us a more 'open' date for when Jean was in not
involved in those 1st 3 weeks.

Jean...personally I would like to come while the chicks are still there
so we can see what the process is. I was thinking after that 1st
initial 3 weeks when they come in & your super busy. I'll bring my knee
waders so I can lend a hand tho. And a cloths pin.....lol! Ginny

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I'm up for what works best, and I'm willing to lend a hand with
chickens too. Robin

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I'm up for whatever works best too. If we all road down together, we
could call it the Yippy Hippy Road Rah-ley! (Rah for Rah-Rah's)

I think I'll need convincing before I work to remove anything dead from
a chick house. I think I would prefer to play with, photograph, and
even possibly rescue the live ones! Are they still cute at 3 weeks?
(PS Ginny, that grease used in morgues....we should get some before
we head down there. That way we can handle the smell!) Rebecca

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I'm all for the Yippy Hippy Road
Rah-ley! AND the nose grease!

Ok Jean...we need to hear from you now.... Ginny

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Seems someone needs to share about this morgue grease. just sounds
gross to me. does one stuff it in their nostrils to block out the smell?
then you'd have to be a mouth breather and anything we don't want o
smell bad enough to shove grease up our noses isn't something I want
grazing my taste buds. lol. Joanne

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We could always shove stuff up our noses, breathe through out mouths,
but wear surgical masks. Robin

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greasy smelling salts
ammonium bicarbonate
You smear it under your nose...it's sort of like petroleum jelly with
something like raven sara or ammonia in it (akin to Vicks vapor rub),
but much stronger....

Your choice is nasty smelly chicken sh%& or a greasy upper lip. LOLOL
Rebecca

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or oxygen tanks... Robin

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Damn, i think we can do better than this. can't we smear something
amusing on our lips? we could break open a junior mint (like smelling
salts) whenever the smell starts getting to us. smear the minty goodness
on our lips and eat the spent chocolate coating!

Every kids' fantasy! baby chicks and candy. Joanne

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Ok...I have to side with Joanne on this one. I'll bring the chocolate!
Ginny

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Hey Rah Rah's, talked with Jean & she had just read our messages last
night & thought 'wow, they are all coming here!" Tjen today found out
that Joey is going to MD in Mar when her sisiters baby is born. Sooo Jean
will be short handed & said March would be a perfect time for us to
come. Again if we plan to drive, that would leave us more open date wise.
Depending on the time & where I am, I can have Larry drop me in MD or
MS. I would prefer MD & can get in a visit with Jeff, Julia a my
sister. But if MS, I'd like to hitch a ride hack & visit them after the farm.


A Yippity Rah Rah road trip! Oh yeah.....along with the Jr. Mints we
will be annointing our lips with, attached is a picture of Robin
demonstrating our facial gear.....

Excitment has set in!
Huggles.....Ginny

Insult or Flattery?

This morning as I rose from refilling a slow leaking tire with air, someone whistled at me.

I turned around and with a snarl, looked to see who dared do such a thing.

The guy getting out of his work truck was wearing a dirty T shirt, had a pot belly, and a ZZ Top length beard, disheveled, and gray.

After a 3 second glare, I walked around my car to the driver side, got in, and headed towards work.

My snarled reaction got me thinking. Should I feel insulted or should I feel flattered?

I contemplated my age (I'm in my early 40's). Was this whistle a tribute to my regular exercise, style, grooming, and visits to the hair stylist?

Or was it simply an unclassed cat call, from a socially ignorant man voicing his obvious objectification and disrespect?

As a strong feminist, I lean towards the call as an insult and a vocal tactic used to show our lack of inequality. While, I don't mind someone taking a look quietly...EVERYONE (including myself) does this. Every person has seen what they believe is a person that illustrates their version of beauty, pauses, and takes in the sight for a passing moment. Then they move on about their day. Most people have learned from external pressures such as their mother, father, chuch, or school, that it is generally rude and unacceptable to whistle at a woman.

But when in our culture, this behavior is more posturing and separation. The whistling behavior is more common in certain situations, such as a construction site or a plant site where fewer women are employeed. The whistling is almost like saying, "Hey, you over there. You're rare here. Remember that. Be uncomfortable here. We don't really want you except as eye candy." Generally, it's only done in groups, where one individual is doing so to receive laughter and acceptance from his peers, using the female as the mechanism or object underwhich the acceptance is received. I honestly bet it happens in groups because if done alone, I bet they are quickly reminded how rude it is. But it's easy to ignore the inner conscious when amongst a group of peers. What I heard this morning reminds me that women are far too often seen and treated as objects. It reminds me of the violence we are far too often endure, it reminds me of the inequality at work when we're easily dismissed or overlooked because simply because of our sex.

That little whistle. Yes, it does all that.

But as I sat in my car in front of my office, in my 40's, I couldn't help but admit that it was simply NICE to know that I STILL have it. If only for a moment, I could forget the rest.

Introspective Quiz

Got this quiz (Caring Quiz) from this site: http://www.blended-families.com/stephero/caring.php

I regularly receive SterHeroes email and occassionally take the opportunity to read them. But everytime that I do, I find them very thought provoking.

The article this time was a thought provoking quiz about how often I show love and appreciation to other people. I liked it. I reminded me of things I really need to work on.

First, A Quiz from Charles Schultz
Here's an eye-opening quiz for you, from the late Charles Schultz:
Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolade and certificates are buried with their owners.

I was unable to answer any of them. That was an easy point to understand, because I immediately knew where this was headed. I think it can be easy to get swept up in the media-hype and think that's what it's all about. To believe the most importance considerations are achieving more, doing more, making more money. But day to day and year to year, those considerations never are. Life and time spent in it IS more about the people around me. Sure, I need to sustain or create the quality and comfortable life I want, but I need to remember balance. I mean, really, what am I working for anyway? Certainly not to buy more stuff. Certainly not to actually be at work. And definitely not to achieve the higher rung on the corporate ladder. I learned a long time ago that there are only a FEW people that can achieve that. And those people are smart, yes, but ALSO connected. I do not do politics well at all. Workplace wants you to believe that hard work will get you there and get you recognized, but that isn't the reality. Most of us, including me, are good, normal, hard working folk. With LITTLE recognition through pay and higher titles.

So, okay, how do I really then feel accomplished when the external recognition isn't there. It's through DEMONSTRATED appreciation from others. And definitely BALANCE - me taking it and NOT being pressured to do otherwise (which lately, has been an incredibly bad problem). I work extremely hard and I am good at what I do, my clients LOVE my deliverables and the work I do. And I AM well paid for it, but I do not really balance very well. And my client was extremely demanding. And some of the folks I worked with were, are pompous, arrogant, and dismissive (which annoys me considering I work hard to develop requirements that they generally pick and choose from or simply ignore). And I have some particularly gruesome and very emotional behaviors when I get overworked. It's probably a personality disorder of some type, because I can be cold and angry in return when I get overworked. And I can get extremely painful do deal with when the work I do is ignored or dismissed. I DO take it personally.

And those attitudes have come home with me or have been part of my home when similar things happened at home. I generally have NOT liked the fact that I'm breaking my back at work only to then come home to an unappreciative household. The lack of appreciation and entitled attitudes...ugh. Teenagers, especially "self involed-suffering teens", totally SUCK to be around. Oh, enough...What a real DOWNER for me to ever think about. For a lot of reasons.

I also tend to focus on things and accomplishing things rather than spending time communicating or being with people. Although, I must admit that over the last few years, I've been concentrating on turning the passion I have for creating into giving. I also make sure to spend time with like minded individuals. And what I create usually turns into presents for others I care about. Unfortunately, I have probably been a "safe" giver. I am more apt to give something to someone I work with and don't really care too much about PERSONALLY than I am to give to the people I feel closest to. I know EXACTLY why I do that. Long term abuse, hurt and disappointment have shyed me away from that.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.
Easier? The lesson?
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care. - C. Schultz

Well, of course, this one was very easy.

Teachers: My engineering mentors, Dr. Blalock and Dr. Gibson. My 6th grade teacher (I forget his name), my 9th Grade English teacher (I forget her name), Ray Lewis (my photography teacher), Al - my painting teacher(can't spell his last name)

Friends: Matt, Rah-Rah's, but particularly Ginny and Jean

Worthwhile Teachers: Dr. G, Tom Schrenk, Carl Zimmerman, Ray Lewis, Al Sw---enski (I cannot spell his name), Ginny

Feel appreciation: Dave, Heather, Ginny, Jean, Robin, Debbie

Spending Time with: Dave (husband), Candace (daughter), Heather, Nina, Rick, Pete, Foster, Paul (all of PHENA really) and the yoga teacher who always makes me smile - Joyce, and definitely my Rah-Rah's (although we only get to eat together for short visits now, which I don't like so much...because I really don't like visiting with eating involved, but that a different ISSUE altogether.)

Oh, and I have to mention that I REALLY like spending time with my cats and dog. They are really alot of fun to watch sometimes.

Heroes: Malcolm X, Deb, Gloria Steinem

The Caring Quiz
Now, here's my quiz for my subscribers:
List three things you've done recently to show your appreciation for your partner.
Name the favorite colors of everyone in your household.
Think of at least two things each of the children in your home have done in the last 24 hours that is positive.
Think of five ways you've demonstrated your love for your family.
List ten things that you are grateful for right now.
List five positive traits that you bring to your family.

Show Appreciation:
Took him coffee on Saturday morning
Did his laundry on Saturday
Scratched his back and was very physically demonstrative (I usually am)

Colors:
Dave = Green
John = Blue

Positive:
John made us dinner last night!!!
Followed through on the two things I gave him to do without ANY attitude.

Ways display love to family:
Pay our bills on time
Prepare meals most of the time
Do the grocery shopping
Make their birthday cakes
Make them gifts

Grateful:
I am comfortable and am well paid for the work I do
I have a few really good, friends that accept me for who I am
I can have fun in my art classes or with my friends
I have a good relationship with my daughter
I have a warm, loving husband
I have 3 awesome cats that I enjoy immensely
Clyde, the dog, is still hanging in there and is such a special guy
I have good health
I have good eyesight
I have made my way back into Mom's life

My good traits:
I am disciplined and pay bills on time
I am a good cook
I am reliable
I am straight forward
I address problems quickly


This was a good article. It reminded me that I really need to show love and appreciation in order to receive it. I've spent a good amount of my life withholding, because of the physical and emotional abuse I received growing up. And because of hurt and disappointment as an adult. And being undermined, lied to and used as a step-mom. I know, not the attitude I need. But now, that is not part of my life and I need to work on trusting other people and opening up so this empty pit I have felt most of my life can be filled with joy. You'll notice in my positive traits that I am not a typical "mom-type" person. I don't really dote or marvel at their accomplishments. I guess I consider most things like that expectations, especially since I know they are bright. I tell them that, by the way, but I don't go on and on about how well they do. I am generally not physically demonstrative (hugging, etc)or "warm" with any of my kids, but I am with my husband. Not even Candace, although we do hug and kiss when we see each other. I just never really sat still long enough to enjoy having her on my lap when she was little, etc. And now, with my step kids, I am not physically close. Discomfort on both sides, I think.

Anyway, being more open about how well people do and SHOWING (in different ways) more appreciation other than bill paying, laundry doing, and food preparation would probably do me some good.